EXT. ALABAMA UNIVERSITY - DUSK
Stan and Serena walk through the campus.
INT. ALABAMA UNIVERSITY - LECTURE HALL - DUSK
Professor George Zallynack, wearing a flashy silk robe-like jacket over his white shirt purple pants, and thin gloves, speaks to his class with a Bible in hand.
Stan and Serena walk in, the class in session. They sit in the back.
ZALLYNACK
(re: Bible)
This, this has been holding back the progress of our species for two thousand years!
Zallynack tears out pages of the Bible.
ZALLYNACK
Raining frogs? Nope. Oceans parting? Don’t think so. Big holy being none of us can see? So believable. No sex before marriage? Are you crazy?
The class laughs.
STAN
Hahaha, seriously!
ZALLYNACK
Christians would argue religion has given us our morals and values. I say if you need a book to tell you murder is bad, you shouldn’t be in college.
Zallynack looks at his watch.
ZALLYNACK
I’ll also tell you to read chapters four through fifteen, or else don’t bother showing up next week.
The students leave. Stan and Serena approach Zallynack.
ZALLYNACK
Mr. Stan Bee Luther!
STAN
You’ve heard of me?
ZALLYNACK
Oh, the world has heard of you. And thanks to that bloated bag of bullshit Hucklebee, you’re the latest in a line of illegitimate targets the religious right have decided to create to give their negligible lives meaning.
SERENA
So you know he’s not going to bring about the Apocalypse?
ZALLYNACK
Him? No offense, Mr. Luther, but I don’t think you could end the world if someone gave you access to Russia’s nuclear arsenal.
STAN
None taken. I’d probably blow myself up.
SERENA
That’s great, cause Stan here could really use some help getting his name cleared.
ZALLYNACK
I see. Well you certainly came to the right person. There are about thirteen thousand reasons why you can’t be the Antichrist. Come with me back to my home and we’ll talk.
SERENA
(to Stan)
You can handle things from here.
STAN
Are you sure?
Serena takes out a small piece of paper and a pen. She writes down a number and hands him the note.
SERENA
If something interesting comes up. It’s been fun.
Serena leaves the classroom.
ZALLYNACK
You’re not sick in any way, are you?
STAN
Like, sick-minded?
EXT. ZALLYNACK’S HOME - NIGHT
Zallynack unlocks his door.
ZALLYNACK
Evolution has created many wondrous things, but it also created the virus. Constantly adapting, spreading, becoming nearly unstoppable.
INT. ZALLYNACK’S HOME - NIGHT
Zallynack’s home: luxurious and tacky. Red velvet sofas, classical paintings, all covered in thin plastic.
Zallynack removes his gloves, placing them in a velvet box.
ZALLYNACK
I have concerted my efforts to keep this a germ and virus-free zone. Excuse me.
Zallynack takes a disinfectant spray and sprays Stan. It gets in his eyes.
STAN
Aww...crap!
ZALLYNACK
You won’t believe how many germs surround the ocular cavities. You’ll thank me later.
Zallynack leads Stan to a sofa and rings a bell. Nathan, a thin, pale butler, enters the room.
ZALLYNACK
Nathan, an espresso. Mr. Luther?
STAN
That’s okay, I just want to know what you can do to get all these nutzoids off my case.
ZALLYNACK
Come. I have something to show you.
Zallynack stands and leads Stan out of the room.
ZALLYNACK
I could talk to the media or write an article for the paper telling the world why there’s no way you are the Antichrist, but it would be such a waste.
Nathan brings Zallynack his espresso.
STAN
A waste?
ZALLYNACK
Mr. Luther, you must understand, these fanatics have been bringing misery to this country for ages, and no one has been able to take a stand against them! They’ve bullied and taunted those who don’t share their views. They’ve set science back hundreds of years with their insistence on fairy tales like creationism. If they could stop worrying about saving frozen embryos for five fricking seconds--
Zallynack lashes out at the air in frustration.
STAN
Right. How does that apply to me?
ZALLYNACK
You! You are something they fear!
They arrive at a book case. Pulling a copy of Origin of the Species, the book case slides away, revealing a staircase.
SECRET BASEMENT HEADQUARTERS
They enter an enormous, dank room. There are thirty people going about tasks: rolling barrels, looking at documents, stacking crates, and testing liquids.
ZALLYNACK
Welcome to the headquarters of Darwin’s Disciples!
A young man, ALBERT, brings a box to Zallynack.
ALBERT
General Zallynack, we have received the first shipment from the bottling plant.
STAN
General Zallynack?
Zallynack grabs a crow bar and opens the box.
ZALLYNACK
We are at war, Mr. Luther, with an oppressive enemy who are currently in the majority.
Zallynack pulls out a bottle of wine labeled Formerly Water.
ZALLYNACK
But that will soon change!
Albert opens the bottle and pours wine into a glass. He hands it to Stan. Other members of the Disciples slowly surround them.
ZALLYNACK
Made from the finest grapes the South can produce...
(Stan prepares to drink)
...and blended with a chemical formula which will immediately sterilize the drinker, whether male or female, Formerly Water brand Sacramental Wine will leave a nation of evangelical fools limp as lepers!
Stan fearfully tosses the glass over his shoulder. Zallynack laughs maniacally. His followers join in.
ZALLYNACK
We’re also working on a brand of Maneshewitz.
STAN
Good for you. Diversification is great for the market. Good luck.
Zallynack puts his arm around Stan’s shoulder before he can escape. A pretty, geeky Disciple, LILLY, bounces with excitement.
ZALLYNACK
Mr. Luther, this is why it would be a waste to clear your name just yet! If we could show you publicly denouncing our wine, simple reverse psychology would take effect.
LILLY
Every church in the nation would want the wine hated by the Antichrist!
ZALLYNACK
Yes! Lilly, give Mr. Luther a bottle.
Lilly hands Stan a bottle. Noticing dust on Stan’s shoulder, Zallynack removes his arm and wipes it off.
ZALLYNACK
Ugh...so many bacteria in dust.
ALBERT
We could film a viral video tonight!
STAN
I actually should be going.
ZALLYNACK
(to the Disciple)
Yes, but it should look like a hidden camera. I want a cinema verite feel.
STAN
Oh, oh God, I’m gonna sneeze. Think I have a cold coming on.
ZALLYNACK
(pushing Stan upstairs)
Out! Get out, before you infect us all!
(calming)
We’ll be in touch!
(to the Disciples)
Okay, we must bleach the room.
EXT. ZALLYNACK’S HOME - NIGHT
Stan runs out of the house, terribly distraught.
INT. LAURA LUTHER’S HOUSE - BEDROOM
Laura kneels by her bed, pajamas on, silently praying.
KNOCK KNOCK
Laura continues her prayers.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Laura looks at the clock: 11:20pm.
DOWNSTAIRS
LAURA
Whose there?
A faint whimpering comes from behind the door.
LAURA
Hello? It’s late.
The whimpering becomes loud crying. Laura opens the door. Stan is curled up on her door step, crying and clutching the wine bottle like a teddy bear.
LATER - LIVING ROOM
Stan sits on the couch. Laura hands him a “World’s Best Sister” mug of cocoa.
STAN
Ah, I remember when I got you this.
LAURA
Yes. My last five birthdays.
(sitting across from Stan)
Stan, I don’t know what you want me to do.
STAN
Help me! Tell me what I should do or say to make this stop.
LAURA
Have you ever taken a second to think that this happening to you for a reason? Maybe all these years of inappropriate behavior and aimless living have earned you this.
STAN
Sis, you can’t really believe I’m the big bad guy Hucklebee said I was. I mean, you’ve know me my whole life.
LAURA
Exactly, I’ve know you your whole life. It doesn’t help your case, and if there’s any truth to what Hucklebee said--
Stan deflates. He slurps his cocoa.
STAN
--Damn it, that’s hot! Sorry. Wait, no, I’m not sorry. Come on, Laura, I’m your family! Are you really going to side with that knucklehead Hucklebee over your loving brother?
Laura picks up a pillow and beats Stan with it.
LAURA
I have always been by your side! When you wrecked my car, when you used my savings to buy a hooker...
STAN
She was an escort!
LAURA
...even when you just stood there while Dad was having a heart attack! I was there to help you, and despite all that’s happened, part of me still thinks I should.
Laura drops the pillow. Stan lowers his guard, solemn.
STAN
Then...why don’t you?
LAURA
Cause I need to know there’s a good person in you.
(beat)
Seek God’s help. Then you can have mine.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
THE MAN WHO WOULD BE THE END p.28-39
INT. STAN LUTHER’S HOUSE - MORNING
LIVING ROOM
Dan, Joel, and Dave are passed out on the floor.
BEDROOM
CLOSE ON: Stan snoring.
Stan wakes on top of his covers, wearing only skull-print boxers. The world is quiet. Stan observes his messy room. He looks at the room door as it slams open. SIMON, a thin, bedraggled hillbilly stares at Stan with crazy eyes. He holds a pitchfork.
STAN
Uh...
Simon screams and runs at Stan, pitchfork first. Stan rolls to the floor and grabs his shirt as Simon steps on it, pulling it out from under him. Simon falls on his back, throwing the pitchfork into the air. It lands in both of Simon’s thighs. Simon yelps. Stan runs out of the room.
LIVING ROOM
Stan runs screaming out of the house.
OUTSIDE HOUSE
Stan runs screaming. His house is surrounded by an angry mob of revivalists, with Omber at the center. They carry signs: God Hates Stan; Stop Stan Luther; Jesus Loves, Stan Kills.
OMBER
The Beast appears! Burn him!
Stan runs around the mob-created enclosure, screaming. The zealots back away, afraid. Omber jumps out and chases Stan with a bible.
OMBER
Stop and face Jesus’ wrath!
Stan outpaces him, and runs back inside.
INSIDE HOUSE
Stan nearly runs into Simon, who is hopping in pain, the pitchfork still stuck in both of his thighs. Stan grabs the pitchfork, and spins it and Simon towards the door. He pushes Simon out the door, right into Omber. Both men fall back on the ground. Stan locks the door and puts his back against it. Dan and Joel wake up.
DAN
Heeeyyy Stan. How was the show?
JOEL
We drank the last beer. Sorry man.
LATER
Stan peaks out of his window: Hundreds of zealots and news crews surround his house.
STAN
What the hell did I do to deserve this?
DAVID
Run over Michael Orcheckle?
JOEL
Talk smack to Hucklebee last night?
DAN
Let your dad--
STAN
Okay, I get it! I don’t get it though. Why did he say I was the Antichrist?
DAN
Well, he does talk to Jesus.
STAN
He doesn’t talk to Jesus! No one talks to Jesus!
Joel looks out the window. Two cop cars have pulled up.
JOEL
El Policia have arrived.
Stan looks out the window, and sees two officers approaching the house. One stays behind. Stan lets in OFFICER PEYTON and SERGEANT BILLFRO.
STAN
Finally! What took you guys so long?
SERGEANT BILLFRO
Mr. Luther, calm down! We are here to help you.
STAN
Okay okay, how long til you can have those maniacs off of my property?
SERGEANT BILLFRO
Well Mr. Luther, the majority of them are on the sidewalk and street, which is city property.
Stan sees Huckle-Cross necklaces around Billfro and Peyton’s necks and throws his arms up in the air. Officer Peyton looks through papers on a clipboard.
OFFICER PEYTON
And they do have signed permits from the property owner to be on the lawn.
STAN
My sister owns the property!
(dialing phone)
Probably thought it was a petition to save baby seals.
LAURA’S HOUSE - INSIDE
Laura knits, shaking slightly. Her phone rings. She stares at the phone, letting it ring twice more. She reaches out hesitantly to answer, but then takes her hand away. This is hard for her.
STAN’S HOUSE - INSIDE
Stan hangs up, angry.
STAN
Can I at least file assault charges on the guy who busted in here?
Officer Peyton looks outside, where the third officer is gently placing Simon on a paramedic’s gurney.
SERGEANT BILLFRO
Ol’ Simon has a history of mental illness. No judge will prosecute him.
STAN
What can you guys actually do?
SERGEANT BILLFRO
We will make sure that the people outside don’t throw anything at your house.
Stan waits for more.
OFFICER PEYTON
Have a good day, sir.
Billfro and Peyton leave. David turns on the news. Cherry Bims reports from outside Stan’s house.
DAVID
Ha, Stan, your house is famous!
ON THE TV:
CHERRY
As the world saw live last night, the reverend Hollis Hucklebee denounced local shlub Stan Bee Luther as the harbinger of the Apocalypse, before collapsing into a stroke-induced coma.
STAN
See, he’s not dead! I can’t be that bad if--
CHERRY
Doctors say his prognosis is not good.
JOEL
Not your day, man.
CHERRY
Mr. Luther has a long juvenile and criminal record, but not much is known about him personally.
STAN
Aren’t they supposed to erase the juvenile record?
TV cuts to interview with Petunia.
PETUNIA
He rarely leaves his house, barely talks to the other neighbors. I thought he might be a serial killer or child pornographer...but I guess the Antichrist makes sense.
The TV cuts back to Cherry.
CHERRY
Numerous followers of Hucklebee have called for Stan’s arrest, with a few preaching stricter punishments. In response to the large public outcry, President Dinke spoke to the public earlier.
The TV cuts to the White House.
PRESIDENT DINKE
I remind all Americans that crucifixion is not acceptable. I repeat - very illegal!
STAN
What do I do, what do I do, what do I do? Anyone? Help?
DAN
Maybe if you drink holy water in front of everyone?
JOEL
No man, that stuff is disgusting.
Joel drinks whiskey. David looks outside at the news vans.
DAVID
Dude, just go on the news and show everyone you’re a regular guy.
STAN
Trust the news? No, no, they edit and cut things to make up whatever they want.
DAVID
Then tell them it has to be live, so they can’t change anything!
STAN
Okay, fine. Let’s just find someone serious and legitimate.
LATER
CAMERA’S POV: A front door opening, revealing Stan.
STAN
Hey there. Come on in.
END POV
Stan walks into his house, followed by BURT MOODY, 42, expressionless and dour, and his cameraman, LARRY. Burt speaks in a depressing monotone.
BURT
Thank you, Mr. Luther. It is truly a treat for me to do this interview. What message do you want to deliver to our viewers?
Stan takes them into his kitchen.
INTERCUT Camera POV and Normal View.
STAN
Burt, I just want people to see, I’m not like, some animal-sacrificing demon.
As they pass the stove, sparks fly from loose wires and ignite the oven’s gas leak. A huge flame leaps out.
LARRY
Mother Fu--
BURT
Larry, we’re live. Potty mouth closed.
Stan opens the fridge and offers Burt and Larry whip cream.
STAN
That happens occasionally.
Burt and Larry refuse. Stan sprays some in his mouth.
BURT
Why do you think the reverend singled you out during his revival?
LIVING ROOM
STAN
I have no idea. I was giving him some shit, but to say I’m the cause of the Apocalypse?
Stan shakes his head and throws out his hands. He hits the book case that holds his record player. Motley Crue’s “Shout At the Devil” blasts from the record player, skipping on the line “Shout at the Devil”. Stan scrambles to turn it off.
STAN
Heh, gotta love the classics.
Burt and Larry look at the fish tank, which is filled with Joel’s vomit. Slayer is floating upside down.
BURT
You said you didn’t sacrifice animals, didn’t you Mr. Luther?
STAN
Slayer!
(beat)
Can sharks commit suicide? Oh Slayer--
The ceiling fan falls, nearly hitting Burt.
BURT
--Oh my!
Stan, not paying attention, knocks a nail gun off a counter to the floor, shooting nails into the ceiling. The nails make a cross shape. Larry focuses the camera on this.
BURT
You getting this Larry?
LARRY
Yeah.
A drop of blood flows down a nail and lands on the camera lens. Burt and Larry back away. Stan sees this.
STAN
Umm--
BURT
--is that blood?
STAN
Oh, I doubt--
More red drops fall.
BURT
--your ceiling is bleeding.
STAN
Guys, come on, I can explain most of this.
Blood drops hit Stan’s head. Burt turns towards the camera.
BURT
This has been a Channel ten exclusive look into the home of the man who will end existence. Burt Moody signing off.
Burt and Larry run out the door.
STAN
Wait! Come back! We can make waffles!
The chunk of ceiling where the nails struck falls to the floor. The nails went through the plaster and impaled numerous rats. Their blood trickles through the nail holes.
STAN
Ricky!
Stan sits down, head in his hands. In the kitchen, another flame shoots up from the oven.
STAN’S BATHROOM - LATER
Slayer is stuck in the toilet. Stan plunges the dead shark while holding the phone between his ear and shoulder.
STAN
Laura...it’s Stan. Could really use your help with everything. Where are you?
Stan hangs up and returns to plunging.
STAN
I’m sorry Slayer. I wish I could give you a proper burial!
TAP TAP TAP
In his bathroom window, Beezy stares at Stan. Stan stumbles backwards, and holds up the plunger as a weapon. Beezy smiles and motions him to another room.
LAUNDRY ROOM
Stan enters his laundry room, where there’s a door to his backyard. Hesitating for a moment, Stan opens the door.
Beezy, Jark and a third Goth, FINGO, are kneeling and bowing their heads to Stan. Stan sees Serena standing behind them, less enthralled. Stan looks at her: is this for real?
SERENA
They’re big fans.
BEEZY
Oh demonic master, we, your faithful servants, kneel before you, unworthy.
STAN
(suppressing laugh)
Ah...Ah finally, you have arrived. I have many tasks for you, my minions, as we prepare for the end of days!
(points at Fingo)
You, boy, shall fetch me...twenty voodoo dolls, the Poison back catalogue, and five live chipmunks!
(points at Jark)
You, nave, shall get me ten gallons of vegetable oil, a rare white orchid from the swampland, and a twelve pack of Dos Equis, the preferred brand of the Apocalypse.
Jark salutes Stan. Serena stifles a laugh. Stan lays his plunger down on Beezy’s shoulder.
STAN
And you, my dark knight, you must secretly siphon the gas from all the protestors’ cars!
BEEZY
Thy will be done!
They stand and jump over the backyard fence. Serena remains.
STAN
What about you? Have you not come to worship my unholy greatness?
SERENA
I just dress like this to piss off my Huckle-being parents.
STAN
So, not a believer in pentagrams, demons or Antichrists?
Serena shakes her head. Stan nods, approving.
STAN
Are you a believer in afternoon drinks with salsa thieves?
SERENA
Have any real Bloody Marys?
KITCHEN
Stan makes two whiskey & Cokes. Serena peaks outside.
SERENA
(sympathetically)
I bet you’ve had a fun morning, Mr. End of the World.
STAN
Please, Mr. End of the World was my father’s name. So why’d you come here if you don’t think I’m--
SERENA
--I have empathy for those ostracized by society.
STAN
You were bored, weren’t you?
SERENA
Seemed like there would be some excitement here.
STAN
Oh, nothing more exciting than waking up to a psychotic hillbilly trying to skewer you like a pig.
SERENA
And convincing Burt Moody you were the master of evil on live television.
Serena quickly finishes her drink. Stan finishes half.
STAN
Screwed that one up big time.
SERENA
I found it hilarious.
(re: protestors)
You should try and scare those shit-heads too.
STAN
I would, but they tried to kill me. Their signs say God hates me. I, Stan Luther, have specifically summoned the hatred of their all mighty--
SERENA
--Okay okay, I get it. You’re fucked for the moment.
STAN
I need someone to make this all go away!
Serena inspects Stan’s waffle makers. The tag line on the boxes: EXPERTLY DESIGNED BY BELGIUM CHEFS
SERENA
You should find an expert.
STAN
To what? Make them waffles so they don’t starve while condemning me to Hell?
SERENA
No, some expert on religion who will prove you’re not the Antichrist.
STAN
Do those exist?
Serena goes into Stan’s fridge and pulls out the whip cream. She sprays some into her mouth.
SERENA
Sure. What about George Zallynack? He’s on the news all the time, bashing people like Hucklebee. Guy’s gotta a million degrees and science awards.
Serena sprays whip cream in Stan’s mouth.
SERENA
He’d probably love a chance to prove those fanatics wrong.
Stan chokes on the whip cream. Serena pats his back.
STAN
Where do we find him?
LIVING ROOM
Dan, Joel, and Dave are passed out on the floor.
BEDROOM
CLOSE ON: Stan snoring.
Stan wakes on top of his covers, wearing only skull-print boxers. The world is quiet. Stan observes his messy room. He looks at the room door as it slams open. SIMON, a thin, bedraggled hillbilly stares at Stan with crazy eyes. He holds a pitchfork.
STAN
Uh...
Simon screams and runs at Stan, pitchfork first. Stan rolls to the floor and grabs his shirt as Simon steps on it, pulling it out from under him. Simon falls on his back, throwing the pitchfork into the air. It lands in both of Simon’s thighs. Simon yelps. Stan runs out of the room.
LIVING ROOM
Stan runs screaming out of the house.
OUTSIDE HOUSE
Stan runs screaming. His house is surrounded by an angry mob of revivalists, with Omber at the center. They carry signs: God Hates Stan; Stop Stan Luther; Jesus Loves, Stan Kills.
OMBER
The Beast appears! Burn him!
Stan runs around the mob-created enclosure, screaming. The zealots back away, afraid. Omber jumps out and chases Stan with a bible.
OMBER
Stop and face Jesus’ wrath!
Stan outpaces him, and runs back inside.
INSIDE HOUSE
Stan nearly runs into Simon, who is hopping in pain, the pitchfork still stuck in both of his thighs. Stan grabs the pitchfork, and spins it and Simon towards the door. He pushes Simon out the door, right into Omber. Both men fall back on the ground. Stan locks the door and puts his back against it. Dan and Joel wake up.
DAN
Heeeyyy Stan. How was the show?
JOEL
We drank the last beer. Sorry man.
LATER
Stan peaks out of his window: Hundreds of zealots and news crews surround his house.
STAN
What the hell did I do to deserve this?
DAVID
Run over Michael Orcheckle?
JOEL
Talk smack to Hucklebee last night?
DAN
Let your dad--
STAN
Okay, I get it! I don’t get it though. Why did he say I was the Antichrist?
DAN
Well, he does talk to Jesus.
STAN
He doesn’t talk to Jesus! No one talks to Jesus!
Joel looks out the window. Two cop cars have pulled up.
JOEL
El Policia have arrived.
Stan looks out the window, and sees two officers approaching the house. One stays behind. Stan lets in OFFICER PEYTON and SERGEANT BILLFRO.
STAN
Finally! What took you guys so long?
SERGEANT BILLFRO
Mr. Luther, calm down! We are here to help you.
STAN
Okay okay, how long til you can have those maniacs off of my property?
SERGEANT BILLFRO
Well Mr. Luther, the majority of them are on the sidewalk and street, which is city property.
Stan sees Huckle-Cross necklaces around Billfro and Peyton’s necks and throws his arms up in the air. Officer Peyton looks through papers on a clipboard.
OFFICER PEYTON
And they do have signed permits from the property owner to be on the lawn.
STAN
My sister owns the property!
(dialing phone)
Probably thought it was a petition to save baby seals.
LAURA’S HOUSE - INSIDE
Laura knits, shaking slightly. Her phone rings. She stares at the phone, letting it ring twice more. She reaches out hesitantly to answer, but then takes her hand away. This is hard for her.
STAN’S HOUSE - INSIDE
Stan hangs up, angry.
STAN
Can I at least file assault charges on the guy who busted in here?
Officer Peyton looks outside, where the third officer is gently placing Simon on a paramedic’s gurney.
SERGEANT BILLFRO
Ol’ Simon has a history of mental illness. No judge will prosecute him.
STAN
What can you guys actually do?
SERGEANT BILLFRO
We will make sure that the people outside don’t throw anything at your house.
Stan waits for more.
OFFICER PEYTON
Have a good day, sir.
Billfro and Peyton leave. David turns on the news. Cherry Bims reports from outside Stan’s house.
DAVID
Ha, Stan, your house is famous!
ON THE TV:
CHERRY
As the world saw live last night, the reverend Hollis Hucklebee denounced local shlub Stan Bee Luther as the harbinger of the Apocalypse, before collapsing into a stroke-induced coma.
STAN
See, he’s not dead! I can’t be that bad if--
CHERRY
Doctors say his prognosis is not good.
JOEL
Not your day, man.
CHERRY
Mr. Luther has a long juvenile and criminal record, but not much is known about him personally.
STAN
Aren’t they supposed to erase the juvenile record?
TV cuts to interview with Petunia.
PETUNIA
He rarely leaves his house, barely talks to the other neighbors. I thought he might be a serial killer or child pornographer...but I guess the Antichrist makes sense.
The TV cuts back to Cherry.
CHERRY
Numerous followers of Hucklebee have called for Stan’s arrest, with a few preaching stricter punishments. In response to the large public outcry, President Dinke spoke to the public earlier.
The TV cuts to the White House.
PRESIDENT DINKE
I remind all Americans that crucifixion is not acceptable. I repeat - very illegal!
STAN
What do I do, what do I do, what do I do? Anyone? Help?
DAN
Maybe if you drink holy water in front of everyone?
JOEL
No man, that stuff is disgusting.
Joel drinks whiskey. David looks outside at the news vans.
DAVID
Dude, just go on the news and show everyone you’re a regular guy.
STAN
Trust the news? No, no, they edit and cut things to make up whatever they want.
DAVID
Then tell them it has to be live, so they can’t change anything!
STAN
Okay, fine. Let’s just find someone serious and legitimate.
LATER
CAMERA’S POV: A front door opening, revealing Stan.
STAN
Hey there. Come on in.
END POV
Stan walks into his house, followed by BURT MOODY, 42, expressionless and dour, and his cameraman, LARRY. Burt speaks in a depressing monotone.
BURT
Thank you, Mr. Luther. It is truly a treat for me to do this interview. What message do you want to deliver to our viewers?
Stan takes them into his kitchen.
INTERCUT Camera POV and Normal View.
STAN
Burt, I just want people to see, I’m not like, some animal-sacrificing demon.
As they pass the stove, sparks fly from loose wires and ignite the oven’s gas leak. A huge flame leaps out.
LARRY
Mother Fu--
BURT
Larry, we’re live. Potty mouth closed.
Stan opens the fridge and offers Burt and Larry whip cream.
STAN
That happens occasionally.
Burt and Larry refuse. Stan sprays some in his mouth.
BURT
Why do you think the reverend singled you out during his revival?
LIVING ROOM
STAN
I have no idea. I was giving him some shit, but to say I’m the cause of the Apocalypse?
Stan shakes his head and throws out his hands. He hits the book case that holds his record player. Motley Crue’s “Shout At the Devil” blasts from the record player, skipping on the line “Shout at the Devil”. Stan scrambles to turn it off.
STAN
Heh, gotta love the classics.
Burt and Larry look at the fish tank, which is filled with Joel’s vomit. Slayer is floating upside down.
BURT
You said you didn’t sacrifice animals, didn’t you Mr. Luther?
STAN
Slayer!
(beat)
Can sharks commit suicide? Oh Slayer--
The ceiling fan falls, nearly hitting Burt.
BURT
--Oh my!
Stan, not paying attention, knocks a nail gun off a counter to the floor, shooting nails into the ceiling. The nails make a cross shape. Larry focuses the camera on this.
BURT
You getting this Larry?
LARRY
Yeah.
A drop of blood flows down a nail and lands on the camera lens. Burt and Larry back away. Stan sees this.
STAN
Umm--
BURT
--is that blood?
STAN
Oh, I doubt--
More red drops fall.
BURT
--your ceiling is bleeding.
STAN
Guys, come on, I can explain most of this.
Blood drops hit Stan’s head. Burt turns towards the camera.
BURT
This has been a Channel ten exclusive look into the home of the man who will end existence. Burt Moody signing off.
Burt and Larry run out the door.
STAN
Wait! Come back! We can make waffles!
The chunk of ceiling where the nails struck falls to the floor. The nails went through the plaster and impaled numerous rats. Their blood trickles through the nail holes.
STAN
Ricky!
Stan sits down, head in his hands. In the kitchen, another flame shoots up from the oven.
STAN’S BATHROOM - LATER
Slayer is stuck in the toilet. Stan plunges the dead shark while holding the phone between his ear and shoulder.
STAN
Laura...it’s Stan. Could really use your help with everything. Where are you?
Stan hangs up and returns to plunging.
STAN
I’m sorry Slayer. I wish I could give you a proper burial!
TAP TAP TAP
In his bathroom window, Beezy stares at Stan. Stan stumbles backwards, and holds up the plunger as a weapon. Beezy smiles and motions him to another room.
LAUNDRY ROOM
Stan enters his laundry room, where there’s a door to his backyard. Hesitating for a moment, Stan opens the door.
Beezy, Jark and a third Goth, FINGO, are kneeling and bowing their heads to Stan. Stan sees Serena standing behind them, less enthralled. Stan looks at her: is this for real?
SERENA
They’re big fans.
BEEZY
Oh demonic master, we, your faithful servants, kneel before you, unworthy.
STAN
(suppressing laugh)
Ah...Ah finally, you have arrived. I have many tasks for you, my minions, as we prepare for the end of days!
(points at Fingo)
You, boy, shall fetch me...twenty voodoo dolls, the Poison back catalogue, and five live chipmunks!
(points at Jark)
You, nave, shall get me ten gallons of vegetable oil, a rare white orchid from the swampland, and a twelve pack of Dos Equis, the preferred brand of the Apocalypse.
Jark salutes Stan. Serena stifles a laugh. Stan lays his plunger down on Beezy’s shoulder.
STAN
And you, my dark knight, you must secretly siphon the gas from all the protestors’ cars!
BEEZY
Thy will be done!
They stand and jump over the backyard fence. Serena remains.
STAN
What about you? Have you not come to worship my unholy greatness?
SERENA
I just dress like this to piss off my Huckle-being parents.
STAN
So, not a believer in pentagrams, demons or Antichrists?
Serena shakes her head. Stan nods, approving.
STAN
Are you a believer in afternoon drinks with salsa thieves?
SERENA
Have any real Bloody Marys?
KITCHEN
Stan makes two whiskey & Cokes. Serena peaks outside.
SERENA
(sympathetically)
I bet you’ve had a fun morning, Mr. End of the World.
STAN
Please, Mr. End of the World was my father’s name. So why’d you come here if you don’t think I’m--
SERENA
--I have empathy for those ostracized by society.
STAN
You were bored, weren’t you?
SERENA
Seemed like there would be some excitement here.
STAN
Oh, nothing more exciting than waking up to a psychotic hillbilly trying to skewer you like a pig.
SERENA
And convincing Burt Moody you were the master of evil on live television.
Serena quickly finishes her drink. Stan finishes half.
STAN
Screwed that one up big time.
SERENA
I found it hilarious.
(re: protestors)
You should try and scare those shit-heads too.
STAN
I would, but they tried to kill me. Their signs say God hates me. I, Stan Luther, have specifically summoned the hatred of their all mighty--
SERENA
--Okay okay, I get it. You’re fucked for the moment.
STAN
I need someone to make this all go away!
Serena inspects Stan’s waffle makers. The tag line on the boxes: EXPERTLY DESIGNED BY BELGIUM CHEFS
SERENA
You should find an expert.
STAN
To what? Make them waffles so they don’t starve while condemning me to Hell?
SERENA
No, some expert on religion who will prove you’re not the Antichrist.
STAN
Do those exist?
Serena goes into Stan’s fridge and pulls out the whip cream. She sprays some into her mouth.
SERENA
Sure. What about George Zallynack? He’s on the news all the time, bashing people like Hucklebee. Guy’s gotta a million degrees and science awards.
Serena sprays whip cream in Stan’s mouth.
SERENA
He’d probably love a chance to prove those fanatics wrong.
Stan chokes on the whip cream. Serena pats his back.
STAN
Where do we find him?
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
THE MAN WHO WOULD BE THE END p.17-28
INT. LAURA’S CAR - NIGHT
Laura is excited as Stan slumps in the passenger seat.
LAURA
Ready for a wild night?
STAN
Do they serve beer at these things?
Laura’s smile weakens. She drives.
INT. BRYANT DENNY STADIUM - LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT
The locker room has been transformed into a luxurious changing room for Hucklebee, who stares into a bowl of M&Ms. Omber works at his side.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Omber, I told you I only wanted red, yellow, and white M&Ms.
OMBER
I’m so sorry, sir. I’ll have someone pick out these other colors immediately, although you should know there are no white M&Ms.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
What? Why not?
OMBER
I can only think...it’s because the Mars corporation hates God, sir.
Hucklebee pours mouth wash down his throat, gargles and spits the mouth wash into the M&M bowl.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Remind me to declare M&Ms a sinful candy after the first intermission.
Omber writes this note down. Hollis goes to the...
RESEARCH CENTER
A team of researchers sit at computers, gathering information on the audience members based on scanned driver’s licenses. ABE FORREST, 40, sits in front of the largest monitor watching video images of inside and outside the stadium.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
What are the numbers, Abe?
ABE
Fifty-thousand and counting.
OMBER
Amazing!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Fifty’s nothing! If we don’t get eighty, then we might as well just take a crap on Jesus’ tomb!
OMBER
I’m sure we’ll hit ninety.
Hollis sweats profusely.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Any red flags tonight?
ABE
A few registered Democrats, a couple members of the ACLU...oooh, there’s--
EXT. STADIUM - NIGHT
CLOSE ON: Stan’s driver’s license scanned by a SECURITY GUARD. Stan has a Jesus-like beard in the photo. The Guard does a double take to make sure it’s Stan.
STAN
Do you really think someone is desperate enough to sneak in here?
SECURITY GUARD
We’ve had to expel trouble makers in the past. Have to make sure they don’t come
back.
LAURA
Oh, that’s a great! Don’t want any rude people interrupting the show.
STAN
And we don’t want the Reverend to have to actually ask Jesus for our personal information!
Stan and Laura enter the STADIUM.
LAURA
What are you talking about?
STAN
Sis, don’t be a dimwit. They use our licenses, get our personal info, and then...
(impersonating Hucklebee)
“Jesus is telling me someone is having money problems!””Jesus knows someone has back aches.””Jesus knows you got a tiny penis!”
LAURA
Cynicism is the devil scraping at your hope.
STAN
And preachers are just con men scraping at your wallet.
LAURA
Finding a communion with the Lord helps people discover stability and maturity in their lives.
STAN
Sis, are you implying I could use stability and maturity? Will talking to imaginary friends and making wishes to a magical being in the sky truly bring that to me?
Laura turns away from Stan, frustrated. She admires a picture perfect couple kissing each other’s engagement rings, while avoiding skin contact.
STAN
Those shmucks are going to last ten minutes once they’re married.
In the stadium: A large stage is erected on one side with a large white screen backdrop. Stan and Laura walk up bleachers to their seats.
LAURA
Why would you say that?
STAN
Cause they haven’t fucked!
LAURA
Don’t swear in a...stadium of God!
STAN
They’re going to get naked on their wedding night, and have no clue what they’re doing! He’s going to be lousy, she’s going to go o-less, and they’ll be miserable--
LAURA
Stan!
Laura motions to the bleachers below them. The picture perfect couple are staring at Stan.
STAN
(to the couple)
Trust me! All the love and Jesus in the world isn’t going to help if he can’t find your g-spot.
The couple turn around, disturbed. Laura prays silently.
STAN
What are you praying for now?
LAURA
Nothing.
STAN
Good, cause that’s what’s going to come from it.
The lights go out. Spotlights shine down on the stage. Cameras get ready to film the show.
INT. BRYANT DENNY STADIUM - LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT
Hucklebee is tired. He leans against a wall for support. Omber massages his shoulders.
OMBER
Got the pre-show jitters again, sir?
(to staff)
Get the reverend some water, or you’ll be on the streets!
An AID brings water. Hucklebee drinks, drops the cup, and pushes Omber’s hands away.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Time to show these folks the power of the Lord!
OMBER
Go get ‘em!
Hollis hustles through the hallway.
INSIDE STADIUM
Sparks blast off the stage. Shining images of Jesus and crosses are projected on the screen. The crowd cheers. Hollis appears, arms in the air.
Laura hollers. Stan, in response, lifts up his shirt, revealing his man cleavage. He screams like an excited girl. Laura is not amused.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Are you ready to show me how much you love the Lord?
The crowd screams.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Are you ready to show the world how much you love the Lord?
The crowd screams louder.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
(pointing to cameras)
That’s good, cause the world is watching! Everyone from the President of the United States to the king of Norway is gonna hear you tonight!
INT. WHITE HOUSE - DINKE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Dinke watches the revival on TV.
DINKE
Aaand, that’s enough.
He changes the channel.
INT. BRYANT DENNY STADIUM - NIGHT
Hucklebee stands at the front of the stage.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Y’know, I was talking with Jesus backstage--
STAN
I am Jesus!
The cameras turn to catch this. Hollis spots Stan in the audience. He glares angrily.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Jesus is worried...
STAN
No I’m not!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
...He keeps hearing more and more about these atheists that are popping up everywhere!
The crowd boos.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Yep! Liberal, pragmatist, communist, Zionist, environmentalist, atheists! And he’s kind of confused...
STAN
Sexually?
Laura nudges Stan.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
...since they’re all marrying members of their own gender, how they gonna procreate?
Hollis acts confused. The crowd laughs.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Worries me, how about...
Hollis stops. He breathes heavily, and wipes away sweat.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
...how about you?
CHEERS
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
But, there are bigger dangers to worry about!
(Hollis leans on a table)
There’s a greater danger than Nancy’s and she-males and abortionists!
(beat)
There’s an evil more depraved than Bill Maher. More corruptive than Harry Potter! More deceitful than the Pope!
Hollis coughs.
STAN
Sounds like someone’s choking on their own bullshit!
ANGRY CROWD MEMBER
Keep it down, heathen!
Stan pokes and tickles the crowd member.
STAN
You keep it down. You keep it down. Huh, why don’t you keep it down?
Laura pulls on Stan’s shirt. Hollis smiles.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
There are sinners in the audience tonight. Some tree-huggers, some Michael Moore fans...
(looking at Stan)
...why, even some people with criminal records.
STAN
(hands in the air)
Whooo!
Hollis shakes his head, done with Stan.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
These people are all just pawns of the greatest evil!
The lights grow dimmer. A spotlight shines on Hucklebee.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
He does not want to be revealed.
The true king of Darkness, who walks among us all.
(beat)
The bringer of the Apocalypse. The true Antichrist!
STAN
Oh stop the suspense!
Hucklebee grinds his teeth, staring daggers at Stan.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
The being that will end our world...
Hucklebee twitches. His body jerks and spasms.
STAN
Uh oh, looks like he doesn’t want you to say it!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
...S-s-s-tAN. S-sta S-ehtan...
Hollis fights to control his body. He leans over his podium.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Bee--Beez-el, beeeee...
Hollis’ body is out of control. The audience murmurs.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Lu--Lusfer. Lu-cther. Luuu--fer.
Hollis collapses. The audience cries in despair. Even Stan is curious. The lights turn on. Omber rushes to the stage and kneels next to Hucklebee, who still attempts to speak. Omber puts his ear next to Hucklebee’s mouth.
OMBER
What is it, sir? Tell me your secrets!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
S-st-an...Beeee...Lu-fer--
OMBER
Is that who did this? He’s the one that’s struck you down?
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
S-taaan.
Omber grabs a microphone.
OMBER
Stan Bee Luther is his name! Stan Bee Luther is the monster who has struck down the reverend! He is the Antichrist!
Laura looks frightened. Stan smirks, mildly worried.
LOCKER ROOM
The researchers are typing away. Abe discovers something.
ABE
Look here! Look here!
The other researchers huddle around.
RESEARCHER
Put it up there!
STADIUM
Medics check on Hucklebee. Omber stands at the podium.
OMBER
Stan Bee Luther is the end of the world!!!
Stan’s driver’s license is projected on the screen. The cameras focus in. The crowds gasps. Stan’s eyes go wide.
STAN
Uhh...no?
The picture perfect couple looks at him.
PERFECT MAN
It’s him! You used your evil powers on the reverend!
The cameras move from Hucklebee to Stan, getting a close up.
INT. STAN LUTHER’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Dan, Joel, and Dave drunkenly watch the revival on TV, frozen in their place. Joel stands and vomits in the shark tank.
INT. GOTH BAR - CONTINUOUS
Serena, Beezy, Jark, and other Goths look at the image of Stan on TV. All EXCEPT Serena are ecstatic and cheering.
JARK
Our unholy savior has come!
INT. WHITE HOUSE - DINKE’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Dinke is asleep in his bed, a half-filled glass of lemonade in his hand. The TV remains on.
INT. BRYANT DENNY STADIUM - CONTINUOUS
Laura looks at Stan, in shock, confused, and upset.
PERFECT MAN
(to the crowd)
It’s the Antichrist!
His fiancee screams in terror.
STAN
Shut up! Your...face is an Antichrist!
(to Laura)
We’re going!
Stan grabs Laura’s arm and sprints out of the bleachers, pushing away zealots trying to stop them. Two security guards step in between them and the exit. Stan gets in front of Laura, as the guards reach for their holsters. They hold up crosses to Stan as if he were a vampire.
SECURITY GUARD
Stop in the name of the Lord!
Stan and Laura rush right between them. The Guards look shocked. One gets out his walkie talkie.
SECURITY GUARD
He’s immune to crosses! I repeat, he’s immune to crosses!
EXT. BRYANT DENNY STADIUM - PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Stan and Laura jump in the car. They burn rubber.
INSIDE CAR
STAN
Man, what a bunch of crazies, huh?
(re: Laura’s demeanor)
Hey, relax Sis, we got away. Pretty crazy though, right?
Laura nervously looks at Stan, who drums on the dashboard.
STAN
That will be a fun story for the guys! I trash talked a reverend till he freaked out and fainted!
Stan laughs. Laura rubs the cross on her necklace.
EXT. STAN LUTHER’S HOUSE - NIGHT
Stan exits Laura’s car.
STAN
Laura, chill out. No one will remember this...
(Laura drives away)
...tomorrow.
Stan enters his home.
Laura is excited as Stan slumps in the passenger seat.
LAURA
Ready for a wild night?
STAN
Do they serve beer at these things?
Laura’s smile weakens. She drives.
INT. BRYANT DENNY STADIUM - LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT
The locker room has been transformed into a luxurious changing room for Hucklebee, who stares into a bowl of M&Ms. Omber works at his side.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Omber, I told you I only wanted red, yellow, and white M&Ms.
OMBER
I’m so sorry, sir. I’ll have someone pick out these other colors immediately, although you should know there are no white M&Ms.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
What? Why not?
OMBER
I can only think...it’s because the Mars corporation hates God, sir.
Hucklebee pours mouth wash down his throat, gargles and spits the mouth wash into the M&M bowl.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Remind me to declare M&Ms a sinful candy after the first intermission.
Omber writes this note down. Hollis goes to the...
RESEARCH CENTER
A team of researchers sit at computers, gathering information on the audience members based on scanned driver’s licenses. ABE FORREST, 40, sits in front of the largest monitor watching video images of inside and outside the stadium.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
What are the numbers, Abe?
ABE
Fifty-thousand and counting.
OMBER
Amazing!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Fifty’s nothing! If we don’t get eighty, then we might as well just take a crap on Jesus’ tomb!
OMBER
I’m sure we’ll hit ninety.
Hollis sweats profusely.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Any red flags tonight?
ABE
A few registered Democrats, a couple members of the ACLU...oooh, there’s--
EXT. STADIUM - NIGHT
CLOSE ON: Stan’s driver’s license scanned by a SECURITY GUARD. Stan has a Jesus-like beard in the photo. The Guard does a double take to make sure it’s Stan.
STAN
Do you really think someone is desperate enough to sneak in here?
SECURITY GUARD
We’ve had to expel trouble makers in the past. Have to make sure they don’t come
back.
LAURA
Oh, that’s a great! Don’t want any rude people interrupting the show.
STAN
And we don’t want the Reverend to have to actually ask Jesus for our personal information!
Stan and Laura enter the STADIUM.
LAURA
What are you talking about?
STAN
Sis, don’t be a dimwit. They use our licenses, get our personal info, and then...
(impersonating Hucklebee)
“Jesus is telling me someone is having money problems!””Jesus knows someone has back aches.””Jesus knows you got a tiny penis!”
LAURA
Cynicism is the devil scraping at your hope.
STAN
And preachers are just con men scraping at your wallet.
LAURA
Finding a communion with the Lord helps people discover stability and maturity in their lives.
STAN
Sis, are you implying I could use stability and maturity? Will talking to imaginary friends and making wishes to a magical being in the sky truly bring that to me?
Laura turns away from Stan, frustrated. She admires a picture perfect couple kissing each other’s engagement rings, while avoiding skin contact.
STAN
Those shmucks are going to last ten minutes once they’re married.
In the stadium: A large stage is erected on one side with a large white screen backdrop. Stan and Laura walk up bleachers to their seats.
LAURA
Why would you say that?
STAN
Cause they haven’t fucked!
LAURA
Don’t swear in a...stadium of God!
STAN
They’re going to get naked on their wedding night, and have no clue what they’re doing! He’s going to be lousy, she’s going to go o-less, and they’ll be miserable--
LAURA
Stan!
Laura motions to the bleachers below them. The picture perfect couple are staring at Stan.
STAN
(to the couple)
Trust me! All the love and Jesus in the world isn’t going to help if he can’t find your g-spot.
The couple turn around, disturbed. Laura prays silently.
STAN
What are you praying for now?
LAURA
Nothing.
STAN
Good, cause that’s what’s going to come from it.
The lights go out. Spotlights shine down on the stage. Cameras get ready to film the show.
INT. BRYANT DENNY STADIUM - LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT
Hucklebee is tired. He leans against a wall for support. Omber massages his shoulders.
OMBER
Got the pre-show jitters again, sir?
(to staff)
Get the reverend some water, or you’ll be on the streets!
An AID brings water. Hucklebee drinks, drops the cup, and pushes Omber’s hands away.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Time to show these folks the power of the Lord!
OMBER
Go get ‘em!
Hollis hustles through the hallway.
INSIDE STADIUM
Sparks blast off the stage. Shining images of Jesus and crosses are projected on the screen. The crowd cheers. Hollis appears, arms in the air.
Laura hollers. Stan, in response, lifts up his shirt, revealing his man cleavage. He screams like an excited girl. Laura is not amused.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Are you ready to show me how much you love the Lord?
The crowd screams.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Are you ready to show the world how much you love the Lord?
The crowd screams louder.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
(pointing to cameras)
That’s good, cause the world is watching! Everyone from the President of the United States to the king of Norway is gonna hear you tonight!
INT. WHITE HOUSE - DINKE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Dinke watches the revival on TV.
DINKE
Aaand, that’s enough.
He changes the channel.
INT. BRYANT DENNY STADIUM - NIGHT
Hucklebee stands at the front of the stage.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Y’know, I was talking with Jesus backstage--
STAN
I am Jesus!
The cameras turn to catch this. Hollis spots Stan in the audience. He glares angrily.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Jesus is worried...
STAN
No I’m not!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
...He keeps hearing more and more about these atheists that are popping up everywhere!
The crowd boos.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Yep! Liberal, pragmatist, communist, Zionist, environmentalist, atheists! And he’s kind of confused...
STAN
Sexually?
Laura nudges Stan.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
...since they’re all marrying members of their own gender, how they gonna procreate?
Hollis acts confused. The crowd laughs.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Worries me, how about...
Hollis stops. He breathes heavily, and wipes away sweat.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
...how about you?
CHEERS
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
But, there are bigger dangers to worry about!
(Hollis leans on a table)
There’s a greater danger than Nancy’s and she-males and abortionists!
(beat)
There’s an evil more depraved than Bill Maher. More corruptive than Harry Potter! More deceitful than the Pope!
Hollis coughs.
STAN
Sounds like someone’s choking on their own bullshit!
ANGRY CROWD MEMBER
Keep it down, heathen!
Stan pokes and tickles the crowd member.
STAN
You keep it down. You keep it down. Huh, why don’t you keep it down?
Laura pulls on Stan’s shirt. Hollis smiles.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
There are sinners in the audience tonight. Some tree-huggers, some Michael Moore fans...
(looking at Stan)
...why, even some people with criminal records.
STAN
(hands in the air)
Whooo!
Hollis shakes his head, done with Stan.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
These people are all just pawns of the greatest evil!
The lights grow dimmer. A spotlight shines on Hucklebee.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
He does not want to be revealed.
The true king of Darkness, who walks among us all.
(beat)
The bringer of the Apocalypse. The true Antichrist!
STAN
Oh stop the suspense!
Hucklebee grinds his teeth, staring daggers at Stan.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
The being that will end our world...
Hucklebee twitches. His body jerks and spasms.
STAN
Uh oh, looks like he doesn’t want you to say it!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
...S-s-s-tAN. S-sta S-ehtan...
Hollis fights to control his body. He leans over his podium.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Bee--Beez-el, beeeee...
Hollis’ body is out of control. The audience murmurs.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Lu--Lusfer. Lu-cther. Luuu--fer.
Hollis collapses. The audience cries in despair. Even Stan is curious. The lights turn on. Omber rushes to the stage and kneels next to Hucklebee, who still attempts to speak. Omber puts his ear next to Hucklebee’s mouth.
OMBER
What is it, sir? Tell me your secrets!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
S-st-an...Beeee...Lu-fer--
OMBER
Is that who did this? He’s the one that’s struck you down?
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
S-taaan.
Omber grabs a microphone.
OMBER
Stan Bee Luther is his name! Stan Bee Luther is the monster who has struck down the reverend! He is the Antichrist!
Laura looks frightened. Stan smirks, mildly worried.
LOCKER ROOM
The researchers are typing away. Abe discovers something.
ABE
Look here! Look here!
The other researchers huddle around.
RESEARCHER
Put it up there!
STADIUM
Medics check on Hucklebee. Omber stands at the podium.
OMBER
Stan Bee Luther is the end of the world!!!
Stan’s driver’s license is projected on the screen. The cameras focus in. The crowds gasps. Stan’s eyes go wide.
STAN
Uhh...no?
The picture perfect couple looks at him.
PERFECT MAN
It’s him! You used your evil powers on the reverend!
The cameras move from Hucklebee to Stan, getting a close up.
INT. STAN LUTHER’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Dan, Joel, and Dave drunkenly watch the revival on TV, frozen in their place. Joel stands and vomits in the shark tank.
INT. GOTH BAR - CONTINUOUS
Serena, Beezy, Jark, and other Goths look at the image of Stan on TV. All EXCEPT Serena are ecstatic and cheering.
JARK
Our unholy savior has come!
INT. WHITE HOUSE - DINKE’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Dinke is asleep in his bed, a half-filled glass of lemonade in his hand. The TV remains on.
INT. BRYANT DENNY STADIUM - CONTINUOUS
Laura looks at Stan, in shock, confused, and upset.
PERFECT MAN
(to the crowd)
It’s the Antichrist!
His fiancee screams in terror.
STAN
Shut up! Your...face is an Antichrist!
(to Laura)
We’re going!
Stan grabs Laura’s arm and sprints out of the bleachers, pushing away zealots trying to stop them. Two security guards step in between them and the exit. Stan gets in front of Laura, as the guards reach for their holsters. They hold up crosses to Stan as if he were a vampire.
SECURITY GUARD
Stop in the name of the Lord!
Stan and Laura rush right between them. The Guards look shocked. One gets out his walkie talkie.
SECURITY GUARD
He’s immune to crosses! I repeat, he’s immune to crosses!
EXT. BRYANT DENNY STADIUM - PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Stan and Laura jump in the car. They burn rubber.
INSIDE CAR
STAN
Man, what a bunch of crazies, huh?
(re: Laura’s demeanor)
Hey, relax Sis, we got away. Pretty crazy though, right?
Laura nervously looks at Stan, who drums on the dashboard.
STAN
That will be a fun story for the guys! I trash talked a reverend till he freaked out and fainted!
Stan laughs. Laura rubs the cross on her necklace.
EXT. STAN LUTHER’S HOUSE - NIGHT
Stan exits Laura’s car.
STAN
Laura, chill out. No one will remember this...
(Laura drives away)
...tomorrow.
Stan enters his home.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
THE MAN WHO WOULD BE THE END p.9-17
EXT. REVIVAL STADIUM - DAY
CHERRY BIMS, 30, a pretty but overly-expressive reporter, reports in front of the Bryant Denny Stadium.
CHERRY
He’s the de-facto leader of the Evangelical movement in modern America...
Images of REVEREND HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE, 62, like John Madden with charisma and bling, appear as a graphic next to Cherry. He wears a crucifix necklace, but with himself on the cross instead of Jesus (the Huckle-Cross).
IMAGES: Hucklebee, in a white shirt and black pants, shakes hands with poor children; Hucklebee in an elaborate robe, preaches from a pulpit; Hucklebee stands in the sun roof of a limousine, wearing designer sun glasses and gold chains.
CHERRY
...with an ever-increasing influence in business, entertainment and politics. Tonight, he’s hosting what’s predicted to be the biggest revival in history! Still, not everyone is an admirer.
INT. ALABAMA UNIVERSITY - CLASSROOM - DAY
GEORGE ZALLYNACK, 40, white hair, thin, an arrogant intellectual, is interviewed.
CHERRY (O.S.)
George Zallynack, famed Author, scientist, and currently teaching theological studies at Alabama University, is a vocal detractor.
ZALLYNACK
Hollis Hucklebee is a fraud! He baits the weak willed and weak minded in our country with a pomposity that hasn’t been seen since the Third Reich! If the average American needs some magical fantasy to get them through the day, they’d be better off ingesting LSD or going to Disney World.
INT. STAN LUTHER’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Stan puts out snacks and poker chips while watching the news.
STAN
Or ingesting LSD while at Disney World. That was the best Easter ever.
FOCUS ON: THE TELEVISION
The screen cuts to OMBER GRAYSON, 36, brown hair, large eyes, and a frothy mustache, being interviewed.
CHERRY (O.S.)
We are now with Omber Grayson, Hucklebee’s personal assistant, for his response.
OMBER
We are all fully aware of Mr. Zallynack’s slight words, but the great Reverend has more pressing issues to worry about.
(directly to camera)
You see, Mr. Zallynack, the Reverend has an important meeting at the White House today, with the President. You might have heard of him. I think someone’s jealous that a man who is a “fraud” has a bit more sway than he does.
Omber smiles arrogantly and exits the interview.
INT. WHITE HOUSE - OVAL OFFICE - DAY
PRESIDENT DINKE, 53, short but distinguished, sits behind his desk talking to reporters.
PRESIDENT DINKE
It’s true that our views often clash, but I agreed to meet with Huckleberry to find common ground on bigger issues that affect our country. Whether they are followers of Hucklebee or another belief, we can all agree on working together to end poverty, clean the environment, and spread a message of peace to the world.
(checking watch)
That’s all the time I have.
Dinke smiles as the reporters are shuffled out by the secret service. Once they are gone, Dinke falls into an armchair, exhausted. MAHOUD JEHARDI, 32, the strong and astute first Muslim Secret Service agent (and Dinke’s unofficial advisor), pats him on the back.
PRESIDENT DINKE
Ugh, Mahoud, do I really have to meet with this blow-hard?
MAHOUD
Depends on if you want the Huckle-being vote, Mr. President.
PRESIDENT DINKE
How many claim to be part of this evangelical cult?
MAHOUD
Getting on 1.5 million in the US.
Dinke rubs his forehead and moans. The rest of the Oval Office: Aids are hustling and bustling. An aid comes up to the President with a glass of lemonade.
PRESIDENTIAL AID
Your lemonade, sir.
Dinke grabs onto the Aid’s wrist.
PRESIDENT DINKE
Get me my...relaxation medication, please.
(letting go of the Aid)
Will someone tell me where--
Hollis Hucklebee ENTERS. The finest white suit with gold embroidery, a large cigar, and an entourage that outnumbers the President’s. Omber is at Hollis’ side.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Hey hey, Dinkey!
The President’s Aid sweeps around Dinke and subtly drops two pills into the lemonade. The President nods and drinks. Hollis waddles over to Dinke, shaking his hand while studying the office. Omber cleans off Hollis’ seat.
PRESIDENT DINKE
Hollis! Welcome back to my office.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Heh heh, yeah, I could figure out some nice things to do with it.
Both men turn towards a PHOTOGRAPHER with jubilant smiles as a photo is taken. They take seats across from each other as the room is cleared. Mahoud, one S.S. Agent, and Omber remain. Dinke drinks more lemonade, holding back a smile.
PRESIDENT DINKE
So Hollis...
(Chuckling like a drunk)
...What can I do for you?
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Well Dinkey, you never gave me a response on my bill proposal.
PRESIDENT DINKE
Ah, yes, well Hollis you know tax breaks can only be given to certified churches. It can’t be applied to individuals.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
But I’m practically a corporation. Heck, I’m at least an institution! I got more people following me than, Buddhism, Judaism, and Scientology combined!
Dinke laughs, surprising the Reverend.
PRESIDENT DINKE
Haha, sorry, sorry. Look, you can keep dancing around this bush all you want, you’re still not going to get any berries from it!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Berries?
OMBER
Uh, Mr. President, what about the other amendments to the bill?
PRESIDENT DINKE
We will not ban Syrians and lesbians from holding public office!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
They’re a threat to the children!
PRESIDENT DINKE
Come on, you know better than that!
(To Omber)
By the way, fine mustache.
Omber reaches for his mustache insecurely. Hollis, annoyed, points his cigar towards the President.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Now listen, Dinkey...
Mahoud swiftly snatches the cigar as it gets close to Dinke, and extinguishes it on his palm, shaking his head menacingly.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Er...Mr President, I can swing a huge chunk of my people’s votes your way this Fall, but you have to throw me a bone.
Lemonade finished, Dinke smiles like a stoned teenager.
PRESIDENT DINKE
A bone? What kind of bone do you want, Huckleberry Hound? I don’t have any tax bones, and certainly no gay bones. I could maybe find a stem cell bone--
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
--what in the world are you talking about? Are you--
Mahoud steps in between Hollis and the President.
MAHOUD
The President has had a long few days, so please excuse him. I think it would be best if we ended the meeting now.
Hollis leaves in a huff. Omber gives Mahoud a dirty stare before following Hucklebee. Dinke lets out a high pitched laugh before falling asleep.
WHITE HOUSE HALLWAY
Hucklebee marches down the hallway, the entourage in tow.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
He was openly mocking me.
OMBER
He’ll be the one being mocked when he’s taking meetings in Hell.
Hucklebee stops and leans against the wall to catch his breath. Omber looks worried.
OMBER
Are you all right, sir?
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Fine, fine. Frickin’ Jew doctor said my cholesterol is too high, need to lose weight, blah blah. He doesn’t understand that the Lord is with me!
OMBER
The same as Dinke!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Dinke doesn’t understand what I’m capable of! When he gets a glimpse of the crowds at tonight’s show, he’ll beg to be a Huckle-being.
OMBER
Like me, sir?
Hollis pats Omber on the cheek.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Omber, you are a fine Huckle-being. If you can just find your true communion with the Lord...and learn to stop being such a brown noser, you may one day be a Huckle-person.
OMBER
That will be my true heaven.
Hollis puts up his finger, about to say something.
OMBER
Brown nosing. Right.
INT. STAN LUTHER’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Stan sits at a table with 2 playing cards in his hand.
STAN
A pepperoni pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in an oven!
Around the table, Dan, gawky JOEL MCDUB, and hairy DAVID HEISER, all break out laughing. Joel pours shots of whiskey. The four men toast.
DAN
You are a horrible human being.
DAVID
I’ve stabbed someone, and I’m offended.
JOEL
You are the true Antichrist.
STAN
Haha, naaaa. Oh, by the way--
Stan puts down his cards, revealing two Kings.
JOEL
You bastard!
POV: Stan has two Aces poking out of his pocket.
Stan collects the chips and finishes his drink. Dan stands.
DAN
I’m getting a Bud. You gents want anything?
STAN
Yeah Dan, I’ll take a--
Dan turns on a record player, blasting Motley Crue’s “Shout at the Devil” over Stan’s request, giving Stan the bird.
JOEL
We need a whiskey-off!
STAN
Yes!
DAVID
No! Don’t you remember what happened last time?
Stan shakes his head.
JOEL
You stole your dad’s car and ran over Michael Orcheckle?
STAN
Ah damn, I sent that cranky old bastard to the emergency room, didn’t I?
Stan laughs. Dan brings back three beers to the table.
DAN
How the heck did you survive that one?
STAN
Dad was ready to knock my head off.
JOEL
So what happened?
STAN
Laura. She got down on her knees, and prayed to Jesus that I would be watched over and protected. Right in front of my dad.
DAN
He didn’t hit you?
STAN
Oh, he called me a fuck-up about a million times, but Sis saved me again. Mention Jesus, and Dad would go limp as a kitten.
DAVID
Damn, your dad smacked me once just for saying “hell”.
JOEL
The man had a great left hook.
DAN
I’m sure he’s brawling with the angels right now.
STAN
(uncomfortably)
Yeah...
(fidgeting)
...Okay, who wants to hear another Stan special? How do you make a dead baby float?
HONK HONK
Stan looks at his watch.
STAN
Fuck, it’s nine already?
I promised Laura I’d--
DAVID
You’re seeing Hucklebee tonight?
Stan grimaces. His friends laugh.
DAN
Oh, we are so watching this on TV.
STAN
Don’t wait up for me.
Stan leaves.
DAN
How do you make a dead baby float?
CHERRY BIMS, 30, a pretty but overly-expressive reporter, reports in front of the Bryant Denny Stadium.
CHERRY
He’s the de-facto leader of the Evangelical movement in modern America...
Images of REVEREND HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE, 62, like John Madden with charisma and bling, appear as a graphic next to Cherry. He wears a crucifix necklace, but with himself on the cross instead of Jesus (the Huckle-Cross).
IMAGES: Hucklebee, in a white shirt and black pants, shakes hands with poor children; Hucklebee in an elaborate robe, preaches from a pulpit; Hucklebee stands in the sun roof of a limousine, wearing designer sun glasses and gold chains.
CHERRY
...with an ever-increasing influence in business, entertainment and politics. Tonight, he’s hosting what’s predicted to be the biggest revival in history! Still, not everyone is an admirer.
INT. ALABAMA UNIVERSITY - CLASSROOM - DAY
GEORGE ZALLYNACK, 40, white hair, thin, an arrogant intellectual, is interviewed.
CHERRY (O.S.)
George Zallynack, famed Author, scientist, and currently teaching theological studies at Alabama University, is a vocal detractor.
ZALLYNACK
Hollis Hucklebee is a fraud! He baits the weak willed and weak minded in our country with a pomposity that hasn’t been seen since the Third Reich! If the average American needs some magical fantasy to get them through the day, they’d be better off ingesting LSD or going to Disney World.
INT. STAN LUTHER’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Stan puts out snacks and poker chips while watching the news.
STAN
Or ingesting LSD while at Disney World. That was the best Easter ever.
FOCUS ON: THE TELEVISION
The screen cuts to OMBER GRAYSON, 36, brown hair, large eyes, and a frothy mustache, being interviewed.
CHERRY (O.S.)
We are now with Omber Grayson, Hucklebee’s personal assistant, for his response.
OMBER
We are all fully aware of Mr. Zallynack’s slight words, but the great Reverend has more pressing issues to worry about.
(directly to camera)
You see, Mr. Zallynack, the Reverend has an important meeting at the White House today, with the President. You might have heard of him. I think someone’s jealous that a man who is a “fraud” has a bit more sway than he does.
Omber smiles arrogantly and exits the interview.
INT. WHITE HOUSE - OVAL OFFICE - DAY
PRESIDENT DINKE, 53, short but distinguished, sits behind his desk talking to reporters.
PRESIDENT DINKE
It’s true that our views often clash, but I agreed to meet with Huckleberry to find common ground on bigger issues that affect our country. Whether they are followers of Hucklebee or another belief, we can all agree on working together to end poverty, clean the environment, and spread a message of peace to the world.
(checking watch)
That’s all the time I have.
Dinke smiles as the reporters are shuffled out by the secret service. Once they are gone, Dinke falls into an armchair, exhausted. MAHOUD JEHARDI, 32, the strong and astute first Muslim Secret Service agent (and Dinke’s unofficial advisor), pats him on the back.
PRESIDENT DINKE
Ugh, Mahoud, do I really have to meet with this blow-hard?
MAHOUD
Depends on if you want the Huckle-being vote, Mr. President.
PRESIDENT DINKE
How many claim to be part of this evangelical cult?
MAHOUD
Getting on 1.5 million in the US.
Dinke rubs his forehead and moans. The rest of the Oval Office: Aids are hustling and bustling. An aid comes up to the President with a glass of lemonade.
PRESIDENTIAL AID
Your lemonade, sir.
Dinke grabs onto the Aid’s wrist.
PRESIDENT DINKE
Get me my...relaxation medication, please.
(letting go of the Aid)
Will someone tell me where--
Hollis Hucklebee ENTERS. The finest white suit with gold embroidery, a large cigar, and an entourage that outnumbers the President’s. Omber is at Hollis’ side.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Hey hey, Dinkey!
The President’s Aid sweeps around Dinke and subtly drops two pills into the lemonade. The President nods and drinks. Hollis waddles over to Dinke, shaking his hand while studying the office. Omber cleans off Hollis’ seat.
PRESIDENT DINKE
Hollis! Welcome back to my office.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Heh heh, yeah, I could figure out some nice things to do with it.
Both men turn towards a PHOTOGRAPHER with jubilant smiles as a photo is taken. They take seats across from each other as the room is cleared. Mahoud, one S.S. Agent, and Omber remain. Dinke drinks more lemonade, holding back a smile.
PRESIDENT DINKE
So Hollis...
(Chuckling like a drunk)
...What can I do for you?
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Well Dinkey, you never gave me a response on my bill proposal.
PRESIDENT DINKE
Ah, yes, well Hollis you know tax breaks can only be given to certified churches. It can’t be applied to individuals.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
But I’m practically a corporation. Heck, I’m at least an institution! I got more people following me than, Buddhism, Judaism, and Scientology combined!
Dinke laughs, surprising the Reverend.
PRESIDENT DINKE
Haha, sorry, sorry. Look, you can keep dancing around this bush all you want, you’re still not going to get any berries from it!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Berries?
OMBER
Uh, Mr. President, what about the other amendments to the bill?
PRESIDENT DINKE
We will not ban Syrians and lesbians from holding public office!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
They’re a threat to the children!
PRESIDENT DINKE
Come on, you know better than that!
(To Omber)
By the way, fine mustache.
Omber reaches for his mustache insecurely. Hollis, annoyed, points his cigar towards the President.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Now listen, Dinkey...
Mahoud swiftly snatches the cigar as it gets close to Dinke, and extinguishes it on his palm, shaking his head menacingly.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Er...Mr President, I can swing a huge chunk of my people’s votes your way this Fall, but you have to throw me a bone.
Lemonade finished, Dinke smiles like a stoned teenager.
PRESIDENT DINKE
A bone? What kind of bone do you want, Huckleberry Hound? I don’t have any tax bones, and certainly no gay bones. I could maybe find a stem cell bone--
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
--what in the world are you talking about? Are you--
Mahoud steps in between Hollis and the President.
MAHOUD
The President has had a long few days, so please excuse him. I think it would be best if we ended the meeting now.
Hollis leaves in a huff. Omber gives Mahoud a dirty stare before following Hucklebee. Dinke lets out a high pitched laugh before falling asleep.
WHITE HOUSE HALLWAY
Hucklebee marches down the hallway, the entourage in tow.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
He was openly mocking me.
OMBER
He’ll be the one being mocked when he’s taking meetings in Hell.
Hucklebee stops and leans against the wall to catch his breath. Omber looks worried.
OMBER
Are you all right, sir?
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Fine, fine. Frickin’ Jew doctor said my cholesterol is too high, need to lose weight, blah blah. He doesn’t understand that the Lord is with me!
OMBER
The same as Dinke!
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Dinke doesn’t understand what I’m capable of! When he gets a glimpse of the crowds at tonight’s show, he’ll beg to be a Huckle-being.
OMBER
Like me, sir?
Hollis pats Omber on the cheek.
HOLLIS HUCKLEBEE
Omber, you are a fine Huckle-being. If you can just find your true communion with the Lord...and learn to stop being such a brown noser, you may one day be a Huckle-person.
OMBER
That will be my true heaven.
Hollis puts up his finger, about to say something.
OMBER
Brown nosing. Right.
INT. STAN LUTHER’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Stan sits at a table with 2 playing cards in his hand.
STAN
A pepperoni pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in an oven!
Around the table, Dan, gawky JOEL MCDUB, and hairy DAVID HEISER, all break out laughing. Joel pours shots of whiskey. The four men toast.
DAN
You are a horrible human being.
DAVID
I’ve stabbed someone, and I’m offended.
JOEL
You are the true Antichrist.
STAN
Haha, naaaa. Oh, by the way--
Stan puts down his cards, revealing two Kings.
JOEL
You bastard!
POV: Stan has two Aces poking out of his pocket.
Stan collects the chips and finishes his drink. Dan stands.
DAN
I’m getting a Bud. You gents want anything?
STAN
Yeah Dan, I’ll take a--
Dan turns on a record player, blasting Motley Crue’s “Shout at the Devil” over Stan’s request, giving Stan the bird.
JOEL
We need a whiskey-off!
STAN
Yes!
DAVID
No! Don’t you remember what happened last time?
Stan shakes his head.
JOEL
You stole your dad’s car and ran over Michael Orcheckle?
STAN
Ah damn, I sent that cranky old bastard to the emergency room, didn’t I?
Stan laughs. Dan brings back three beers to the table.
DAN
How the heck did you survive that one?
STAN
Dad was ready to knock my head off.
JOEL
So what happened?
STAN
Laura. She got down on her knees, and prayed to Jesus that I would be watched over and protected. Right in front of my dad.
DAN
He didn’t hit you?
STAN
Oh, he called me a fuck-up about a million times, but Sis saved me again. Mention Jesus, and Dad would go limp as a kitten.
DAVID
Damn, your dad smacked me once just for saying “hell”.
JOEL
The man had a great left hook.
DAN
I’m sure he’s brawling with the angels right now.
STAN
(uncomfortably)
Yeah...
(fidgeting)
...Okay, who wants to hear another Stan special? How do you make a dead baby float?
HONK HONK
Stan looks at his watch.
STAN
Fuck, it’s nine already?
I promised Laura I’d--
DAVID
You’re seeing Hucklebee tonight?
Stan grimaces. His friends laugh.
DAN
Oh, we are so watching this on TV.
STAN
Don’t wait up for me.
Stan leaves.
DAN
How do you make a dead baby float?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)