Sunday, May 13, 2012

THE MAN WHO WOULD BE THE END p.80 - 89

INT. WHITE HOUSE - DAY

SMALL EMPTY OFFICE
Mahoud kneels on a carpet, performing his Muslim prayers in silence. He finishes and leaves.

HALLWAY

Mahoud is joined by two other S.S. Agents as he walks.

MAHOUD
Did his clearance pass?

SECRET SERVICE AGENT
Yes sir.

Mahoud ENTERS...

THE OVAL OFFICE
The office is in chaos. Advisors argue and speak on cell phones. A cork board has images of Stan, Omber, Hucklebee, and a map of Stan’s driving route.

DINKE
You’re sure they’re coming here?

JESSICA
Satellites picked up the same Motor Home that grabbed Stan from the Guard base on a direct route to DC.

ADVISOR
The mobs are following behind.

ADVISOR 2
They’ll be filling the city in hours.

MAHOUD
Sir, your three o’clock is here.

DINKE
Okay everyone, take this somewhere else. Out, out.

The room clears. The S.S. Agents bring in Zallynack.

ZALLYNACK
Mr. President.

DINKE
Professor Zallynack, your expertise could be useful in our current crisis.

ZALLYNACK
And I would be happy to make that expertise available to you. There’s an easy solution to--

Omber barges in. The S.S. Agents rush to grab him.

OMBER
President Dinke, I demand you see me this--

Omber and Zallynack lock eyes.

OMBER
(to Dinke)
I should have known you would resort to his kind!

ZALLYNACK
Oh my, how did a cockroach get in here?

OMBER
Like the roach, my kind will survive while your blasphemous existence will end in Hell!

ZALLYNACK
Your ignorant life of lies is destined for extinction!

A physical struggle ensues. Omber coughs on Zallynack.

OMBER
Still *cough* a germaphobe!

ZALLYNACK
Gah! Still a wimp!

Dinke is mesmerized by the childish fighting.

DINKE
Mahoud, get him out of here.

MAHOUD
Boys.

The S.S. Agents drag Omber out of the room.

DINKE
Professor, you also should control yourself. Spending time with leftist extremists looks just as bad for me on CNN.

ZALLYNACK
My apologies.

LOBBY
The S.S. Agents push Omber into the lobby and wait for him to leave. Omber is met by his Driver. The two hurry out of the White House.

DRIVER
How’d your meeting--

OMBER
--I need you to find out if any of our people can make a bomb.

INT. MOTOR HOME (DRIVING) - DAY
Dan drives. Stan reads a Bible in the passenger seat. Laura tries to sleep. Serena listens to her iPod. Mitchell is on his cell.

MITCHELL
Serena’s safe, Mom.
(beat)
Of course I’ll watch out for her. Haven’t I always?

Laura overhears this. She grimaces with guilt and wanders to the front.

LAURA
How far til we’re in DC?

Stan points forward: the DC landscape. The Washington Monument. The Lincoln Memorial. The White House. And thousands of religious people filling the streets with Anti-Stan signs. Serena comes up front.

SERENA
Whoa. It’s a Million Madman March.

LAURA
They’ll tear us apart if we go through.

SERENA
Plow through! It’s us or them!

MITCHELL
Sis, you’ve been saying that since you were five! Get over yourself.

SERENA
Maybe if I had felt like I had someone on my side growing up--

STAN
Fight each other later.

Stan points to a human roadblock in front of them. Hundreds of zealots scream at the Motor Home, throwing rocks and cans.

LAURA
Dan, turn us around!

SERENA
Run through them! If they don’t get out of the way, then Natural Selection has done its job.

LAURA
They’re not bad people, they’re scared! They think Stan is their worst nightmare come to life!

STAN
(eyes lighting up)
Dan, turn us around.

Laura breaths a sigh of relief. Serena is disappointed.

STAN
Dan, remember back in the day when we tried to turn David into the Human Torch?

DAN
Ha, yeah, we really shouldn’t have done that to someone that hairy.

STAN
Have lighter fluid on board?

DAN
Of course!

Stan grabs the wheel and turns sharply into a back alley.

EXT. WASHINGTON DC STREETS - DAY
The mob waits impatiently.

THUMP THUMP THUMP
The mob reacts as the ground shakes. A sound like thunder approaches. A smoke cloud appears in the distance.
Blasting out of the smoke like a bat out of Hell is a burning rocket, heading straight towards the mobs. The most horrific noises imaginable roar from the machine, and riding on top is a powerful creature of unimaginable evil. People disperse frantically, terrified, making room for the demonic vehicle.

On closer inspection: The Motor Home has been doused in lighter fluid and lit, turning it into a fireball. Standing on top is Stan, his face in black make-up, his hair spiked, and his clothes augmented with Serena’s black gloves, a black blanket as a cape, and streaks of lighter fluid on his arms and legs, making him appear on fire. Stan looks down at his feet, frightened. Holding on to his legs is Mitchell, standing in the roof hatch.

INSIDE MOTOR HOME
Mitchell stands on a chair. Serena and Laura burn magazines on the kitchen stove and let the smoke drift out the window. Laura is terrified. Serena’s having the time of her life.

LAURA
This is insane!

SERENA
I know, right?

Serena’s iPod is hooked up to the speaker system. A Slipknot song is blasting from the speakers.

OUTSIDE MOTOR HOME

STAN
Muaahahahha! Fear me, humans! Run from Stan the all-powerful! I am the Beast! I am the False Prophet! I am the Antichrist!
The zealots run away, terrified, clearing a path. Stan laughs, enjoying his newest victory.

INSIDE MOTOR HOME
The White House is coming closer into view.

DAN
White House dead ahead!

EXT. WHITE HOUSE - DAY
Two guards spot the oncoming Motor Home.

WHITE HOUSE GUARD
(into mic)
Sir, look outside and advise.

INSIDE WHITE HOUSE
Mahoud and two S.S. Agents look out a window.

MAHOUD
(into mic)
Let them in and close up right after.
(to Agents)
Let the President know Stan has an ETA of five minutes.

INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
Omber stands over a dirty little man, HAPPY, working on an intricate device.

OMBER
And how big will the--

HAPPY
--It’ll do the trick. No excess.

OMBER
And we can hide it easily?

HAPPY
Put it in a suit case, under a chair, wherever you want.

OMBER
And it won’t leave--

HAPPY
--No one will know it ever existed.

OMBER
Splendid.

Outside, Stan and the burning Motor Home pass by in a flash. The hotel windows are blown open by wind and death metal. Happy chuckles.

HAPPY
That was neat.

EXT. WHITE HOUSE GATES - DAY
The Motor Home approaches the White House gates.

STAN
Can this thing break through those gates?

MITCHELL
Not a chance!

STAN
Should we stop?

MITCHELL
Not if you want to live!

The gates open.

STAN
Yes!

The Motor Home goes through the gates and breaks. Stan goes flying out of Mitchell’s grip. Agents hold back the mobs while guards extinguish the flames on the Motor Home. Stan is ten feet away on the ground. A shadow looms over him.
STAN’S POV: Mahoud stands over him

MAHOUD
Mr. Luther. Welcome to the White House.

Serena, Dan, Mitchell, and Laura exit the Motor Home. The S.S. Agents help them out. Laura is unsteady.

LAURA
We’re...alive? We’re alive. We’re alive!

SERENA
Yeah. Thanks to your brother.

INT. WHITE HOUSE - DAY
Stan and his friends are led inside by Mahoud. Agents surround them. President Dinke enters the lobby.

DINKE
Made it in one piece?

STAN
Yes, Mr. President.

Stan is awed. Mitchell salutes. Dan salutes sloppily. Serena is unimpressed. Laura is nervous and sick.

DINKE
I see you brought your own entourage.

STAN
Yes sir. This is my best friend Dan Runty and Lieutenant Mitchell Sherman.

MITCHELL
Mr. President.

STAN
My gi--err, my friend--

Serena puts her hand around Stan’s waist.

SERENA
I’m Serena, his main squeeze.

STAN
And my sister Lau--

Laura throws up on Dinke.

DINKE
Oh my.

STAN
She was...nervous to meet you.

DINKE
Mahoud, can you take Ms. Luther somewhere to freshen up?

Mahoud puts his hand on Laura’s back and takes her hand.

MAHOUD
Right this way.

DINKE
Lieutenant Mitchell, please debrief the Secret Service about what happened at the base. Mr. Runty, please take you vehicle to an appropriate parking area.

STAN
What would you like us to do?

DINKE
You should get yourself out of that ridiculous outfit and wash your face. I will go change my clothes, and we can speak afterwards.

INT. WHITE HOUSE BATHROOM - DAY
Stan washes the last of the black make-up off his face. Serena sits on a counter behind him.

STAN
So...main squeeze?

SERENA
Didn’t want to embarrass you in front of the President.

STAN
Ah, I see.

Serena turns Stan around and kisses him.

SERENA
See, you didn’t fuck that up.

STAN
Hallelujah. Are you just into me because you think I am...this big, exciting deal or something?

Serena punches him in the arm. OW!

SERENA
I’m into you cause when it comes down to it, you’re a decent guy whose not a complete puss! I like a man who can ride a flaming Motor Home with a cape.
(fixing Stan’s hair)
That, and dating the Antichrist would really piss off my parents!

Stan passionately kisses her. They fall to the floor.

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