Saturday, March 24, 2012
THE MAN WHO WOULD BE THE END p.63-72
INT. NATIONAL GUARD BASE - OFFICE - DAY
Mitchell’s office is a gun collector’s paradise. All types of guns align the wall. Stan admires them.
STAN
If I really do bring about the Apocalypse, you’ll certainly be ready.
Stan feels one of the guns. Mitchell grabs it off the wall immediately and starts cleaning it.
SERENA
He’s NOT going to bring the Apocalypse. It’s all a huge misunderstanding.
MITCHELL
Just like it was a misunderstanding when your last boyfriend was caught with twenty-three kilos of cocaine at the border?
STAN
Boyfriend?
SERENA
He’s not my boyfriend! Mitch, these people are going to kill him if he goes home or anywhere else.
MITCHELL
Sis, Stan, I can’t mobilize the Guard until a state of emergency is called. Unless these mobs get violent, they’re not a big enough threat. Go to the police.
STAN
They’re not fond of me.
MITCHELL
Well maybe you shouldn’t have run over your neighbor back in ninety-two!
SERENA
(turned on)
You ran over your neighbor?
STAN
That’s public knowledge? Why didn’t someone tell me my past would bite me in the ass someday!
Mitchell sees Stan’s pleading, hopeless face, and gives in.
MITCHELL
Okay, you can stay here for a while. I’ll keep an eye on you--
SERENA
--Thanks Mitch.
MITCHELL
I can’t promise much, but you should be safe--
(looking out window)
Shit.
STAN/SERENA
What?
EXT. NATIONAL GUARD BASE - DAY
The mob marches on the base, weapons and torches in hand. Omber leads. The base guards stand ready.
GUARD
Please stay one hundred feet away, or we will be forced to bring you into custody.
OMBER
Forward, soldiers of God!
GUARD
Umm, no, stay BACK. Do not go forward. Forward is the wrong way.
The Guard looks nervously to BASE GUARD 2, who holds his gun at the ever-nearing mob.
BASE GUARD 2
We aren’t joking. You can not come in to the--OW!
A zealot knocks the gun out of the guard’s hand with a large wooden cross. Inside the base, a large truck comes hurtling at the closed gate. The Huckle-Cross-Wearing Guard is driving. He sends the inside guards scattering and breaks the gate open.
HUCKLE-CROSS-WEARING GUARD
Get Stan!
OMBER
Make Hucklebee proud!
The mob descends on the Guards, using crosses, bats, and whatever else they have as weapons. The base guards regroup too slowly and the mobs overwhelm them.
INSIDE MITCHELL’S OFFICE
MITCHELL
Run!
OUTSIDE OFFICE
Stan, Serena, and Mitchell run out of the office.
STAN
Where do we go?
MITCHELL
Uhh...
SERENA
Mitchell?
MITCHELL
The back. Go to the back
FEMALE ZEALOT
There he is! Destroy the destroyer!
A Japanese zealot misses Stan with a shuriken. A bible then hits him in the back.
STAN
Not cool! Not cool!
Two French zealots fall over each other trying to grab Serena. Mitchell cold-cocks a bearded zealot, who falls to the ground. Stan is outpacing a heavy-set red neck.
FAT ZEALOT
Run slower, Demon!
Stan stops.
STAN
Hey, how do you make a dead baby float?
FAT ZEALOT
What?
STAN
You take your foot off his head!
The Fat Zealot is horrified. Stan kicks him in the head and runs.
SERENA
Where’s the exit?
They reach a barbed wire fence surrounding the base.
MITCHELL
There is none. We’re climbing!
STAN
There’s barbed wire on it!
Mitchell jumps onto the fence and climbs. Serena follows.
SERENA
Just climb!
STAN
Climbing!
(looking up her skirt)
Bewitched underwear?
Serena looks at Stan offended, and turns away to hide a grin. Mitchell reaches the top and takes out a knife. He cuts the barbed wire and tears it away. On the other side, a large Motor Home swerves up along side the fence. Dan drives.
DAN
Stan!
STAN
Dan!
Stan reaches the top of the fence.
STAN
You got Bertha running?
DAN
Like a doll. Get on top!
Stan hops over the fence and on to the top of the Motor Home. Mitchell and Serena follow suit.
SERENA
This your friend, Stan?
DAN
No, I just spend my free time rescuing pariahs.
STAN
Dan, less sarcasm, more driving.
DAN
Hold on! This baby does zero to thirty in only four minutes!
Mitchell pops open the roof hatch and motions everyone to jump in. The Motor Home leaves as zealots throw rocks and bibles from behind the fence.
INT. MOTOR HOME - DAY
Everyone catches their breath.
DAN
You guys are lucky I occasionally watch the news.
MITCHELL
Where are we going?
Dan, Stan and Serena share a look of cluelessness.
SERENA
You’re not safe around here.
STAN
Dan, go to Laura’s house!
DAN
Stan, they’re--
STAN
--everywhere, I know. But if they find out she’s my sister, they might go after her.
SERENA
Let ‘em have her. She didn’t care when you asked her for help.
STAN
She always cares! Always has.
MITCHELL
Stan, this mob is only going to get bigger and more violent. We need to get out of the state now!
STAN
We will. As soon as we pick up Laura.
INT. WHITE HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY
Dinke is on a cell, Mahoud at his side. JESSICA ZETZLE, 45, Dinke’s Chief of Staff, walks with him.
DINKE
President Sarkozy, I’m sorry they’re giving you a hard time. The Hucklebee followers can be overly vocal with their feelings.
(beat)
We will not feed an American citizen to a mob, French or American.
(beat)
Mange merte back at you!
Dinke hangs up.
DINKE
What’s gotten into these people?!
JESSICA
They’ve gone rabid. When they learned Luther was there, they didn’t hesitate to take out the Guard base. They have at least twenty guards as hostages. Luther escaped in a Motor Home.
DINKE
Do they know something about Luther that we don’t?
Jessica hands him a folder labeled STAN BEE LUTHER.
JESSICA
I’ve looked over his file. While far from an upstanding citizen, there’s no reason to believe he has ties to terrorists.
Dinke reads through the file.
DINKE
Born in Alabama...four DUIs...sells insurance with waffle makers. He made it through high school with a C average. He’s not the Antichrist, he’s a bum!
JESSICA
A bum they’re convinced is going to bring the Apocalypse.
DINKE
All thanks to Hucklebee. What’s his status?
MAHOUD
Recently transferred to Georgetown University Hospital. Comatose.
DINKE
We need to handle this situation delicately, or every religious person on this planet is going to put a fatwa on America. Get me Hucklebee’s assistant. Amber?
MAHOUD
Omber. Grayson.
Mahoud whispers into a microphone. They enter a room.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Dinke, Jessica, and other staff members look at a screen. Omber comes on. He has an army green background.
OMBER
Hello? Hello Mr. President?
DINKE
Mr. Grayson. Reports say you are tied to the mob which invaded the base--
OMBER
--Whoa whoa, don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a man of God, and taking over a National Guard base would be an act of terrorism.
Behind Omber, his followers pass carrying boxes with “ARMY NATIONAL GUARD” printed on them. One wears an army hat. Dinke looks annoyed.
DINKE
I am being very serious Mr. Grayson. There are dangerous chemical and biological weapons stored on that base that could hurt many innocent people.
In the background, a zealot walks by carrying a tank shell.
OMBER
Oh, that is terrible. If these misguided souls have done this in Hucklebee’s name, I will go to the base myself to negotiate a surrender.
DINKE
Good. I also ask that you end this insane crusade against Stan Luther!
OMBER
The Antichrist.
DINKE
Stan Luther!
OMBER
Sir, would sacrificing one man for the good of the world really be that big of a deal? It would look so good in the history books to be the President who stopped the Apocalypse.
DINKE
There will be no Apocalypse! And human sacrifice is not acceptable, even for reelection.
The PRESS SECRETARY whispers to Dinke.
PRESS SECRETARY
Sir, maybe it would be good--
DINKE
--no! We are a society built on logic and reason!
OMBER
Mr. President, since when have logic and reason gotten us anywhere? Really?
Dinke exits the room, slowly followed by his advisors.
INT. PRESS ROOM - DAY
The President speaks to the news from a podium.
DINKE
I ask all American citizens currently engaged in this witch hunt to cease and desist! It is inappropriate behavior for a modern nation...
INT. MOTOR HOME (DRIVING) - DAY
Stan and his friends listen to Dinke’s speech on the radio.
DINKE (O.S.)
...there is no reliable evidence to prove that Stan Luther is a danger to society...
STAN
Thank God people voted for him!
Serena looks at Stan curiously.
STAN
Didn’t make it to the poles. Hung over.
INT. NATIONAL GUARD BASE - OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Omber and Hucklebee’s entourage watch the speech on TV.
DINKE
...so this madness must end.
OMBER
It’s official. The President is in league with the Antichrist, and must be considered an enemy of God!
FOLLOWER 1
Reverend Grayson...you wish us to expand the Crusade to include the leader of our country?
OMBER
He is corrupted! The man speaks in riddles, playing with the minds of the weak. He mocked Hucklebee to the man’s face! He’s evil!
Omber leaves the office, followed by all the followers but one. The man quickly takes out a phone and texts a message.
INT. DARWIN’S DISCIPLES HEADQUARTERS - CONTINUOUS
Disciples pack up boxes and run around furiously. Zallynack drinks espresso and reads a text on his phone in a breakfast nook. Simon & Garfunkel’s “Bridge Over Troubled Water” plays on an old record player.
ZALLYNACK
Lilly! Prepare my private plane. I’m going to DC.
Mitchell’s office is a gun collector’s paradise. All types of guns align the wall. Stan admires them.
STAN
If I really do bring about the Apocalypse, you’ll certainly be ready.
Stan feels one of the guns. Mitchell grabs it off the wall immediately and starts cleaning it.
SERENA
He’s NOT going to bring the Apocalypse. It’s all a huge misunderstanding.
MITCHELL
Just like it was a misunderstanding when your last boyfriend was caught with twenty-three kilos of cocaine at the border?
STAN
Boyfriend?
SERENA
He’s not my boyfriend! Mitch, these people are going to kill him if he goes home or anywhere else.
MITCHELL
Sis, Stan, I can’t mobilize the Guard until a state of emergency is called. Unless these mobs get violent, they’re not a big enough threat. Go to the police.
STAN
They’re not fond of me.
MITCHELL
Well maybe you shouldn’t have run over your neighbor back in ninety-two!
SERENA
(turned on)
You ran over your neighbor?
STAN
That’s public knowledge? Why didn’t someone tell me my past would bite me in the ass someday!
Mitchell sees Stan’s pleading, hopeless face, and gives in.
MITCHELL
Okay, you can stay here for a while. I’ll keep an eye on you--
SERENA
--Thanks Mitch.
MITCHELL
I can’t promise much, but you should be safe--
(looking out window)
Shit.
STAN/SERENA
What?
EXT. NATIONAL GUARD BASE - DAY
The mob marches on the base, weapons and torches in hand. Omber leads. The base guards stand ready.
GUARD
Please stay one hundred feet away, or we will be forced to bring you into custody.
OMBER
Forward, soldiers of God!
GUARD
Umm, no, stay BACK. Do not go forward. Forward is the wrong way.
The Guard looks nervously to BASE GUARD 2, who holds his gun at the ever-nearing mob.
BASE GUARD 2
We aren’t joking. You can not come in to the--OW!
A zealot knocks the gun out of the guard’s hand with a large wooden cross. Inside the base, a large truck comes hurtling at the closed gate. The Huckle-Cross-Wearing Guard is driving. He sends the inside guards scattering and breaks the gate open.
HUCKLE-CROSS-WEARING GUARD
Get Stan!
OMBER
Make Hucklebee proud!
The mob descends on the Guards, using crosses, bats, and whatever else they have as weapons. The base guards regroup too slowly and the mobs overwhelm them.
INSIDE MITCHELL’S OFFICE
MITCHELL
Run!
OUTSIDE OFFICE
Stan, Serena, and Mitchell run out of the office.
STAN
Where do we go?
MITCHELL
Uhh...
SERENA
Mitchell?
MITCHELL
The back. Go to the back
FEMALE ZEALOT
There he is! Destroy the destroyer!
A Japanese zealot misses Stan with a shuriken. A bible then hits him in the back.
STAN
Not cool! Not cool!
Two French zealots fall over each other trying to grab Serena. Mitchell cold-cocks a bearded zealot, who falls to the ground. Stan is outpacing a heavy-set red neck.
FAT ZEALOT
Run slower, Demon!
Stan stops.
STAN
Hey, how do you make a dead baby float?
FAT ZEALOT
What?
STAN
You take your foot off his head!
The Fat Zealot is horrified. Stan kicks him in the head and runs.
SERENA
Where’s the exit?
They reach a barbed wire fence surrounding the base.
MITCHELL
There is none. We’re climbing!
STAN
There’s barbed wire on it!
Mitchell jumps onto the fence and climbs. Serena follows.
SERENA
Just climb!
STAN
Climbing!
(looking up her skirt)
Bewitched underwear?
Serena looks at Stan offended, and turns away to hide a grin. Mitchell reaches the top and takes out a knife. He cuts the barbed wire and tears it away. On the other side, a large Motor Home swerves up along side the fence. Dan drives.
DAN
Stan!
STAN
Dan!
Stan reaches the top of the fence.
STAN
You got Bertha running?
DAN
Like a doll. Get on top!
Stan hops over the fence and on to the top of the Motor Home. Mitchell and Serena follow suit.
SERENA
This your friend, Stan?
DAN
No, I just spend my free time rescuing pariahs.
STAN
Dan, less sarcasm, more driving.
DAN
Hold on! This baby does zero to thirty in only four minutes!
Mitchell pops open the roof hatch and motions everyone to jump in. The Motor Home leaves as zealots throw rocks and bibles from behind the fence.
INT. MOTOR HOME - DAY
Everyone catches their breath.
DAN
You guys are lucky I occasionally watch the news.
MITCHELL
Where are we going?
Dan, Stan and Serena share a look of cluelessness.
SERENA
You’re not safe around here.
STAN
Dan, go to Laura’s house!
DAN
Stan, they’re--
STAN
--everywhere, I know. But if they find out she’s my sister, they might go after her.
SERENA
Let ‘em have her. She didn’t care when you asked her for help.
STAN
She always cares! Always has.
MITCHELL
Stan, this mob is only going to get bigger and more violent. We need to get out of the state now!
STAN
We will. As soon as we pick up Laura.
INT. WHITE HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY
Dinke is on a cell, Mahoud at his side. JESSICA ZETZLE, 45, Dinke’s Chief of Staff, walks with him.
DINKE
President Sarkozy, I’m sorry they’re giving you a hard time. The Hucklebee followers can be overly vocal with their feelings.
(beat)
We will not feed an American citizen to a mob, French or American.
(beat)
Mange merte back at you!
Dinke hangs up.
DINKE
What’s gotten into these people?!
JESSICA
They’ve gone rabid. When they learned Luther was there, they didn’t hesitate to take out the Guard base. They have at least twenty guards as hostages. Luther escaped in a Motor Home.
DINKE
Do they know something about Luther that we don’t?
Jessica hands him a folder labeled STAN BEE LUTHER.
JESSICA
I’ve looked over his file. While far from an upstanding citizen, there’s no reason to believe he has ties to terrorists.
Dinke reads through the file.
DINKE
Born in Alabama...four DUIs...sells insurance with waffle makers. He made it through high school with a C average. He’s not the Antichrist, he’s a bum!
JESSICA
A bum they’re convinced is going to bring the Apocalypse.
DINKE
All thanks to Hucklebee. What’s his status?
MAHOUD
Recently transferred to Georgetown University Hospital. Comatose.
DINKE
We need to handle this situation delicately, or every religious person on this planet is going to put a fatwa on America. Get me Hucklebee’s assistant. Amber?
MAHOUD
Omber. Grayson.
Mahoud whispers into a microphone. They enter a room.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Dinke, Jessica, and other staff members look at a screen. Omber comes on. He has an army green background.
OMBER
Hello? Hello Mr. President?
DINKE
Mr. Grayson. Reports say you are tied to the mob which invaded the base--
OMBER
--Whoa whoa, don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a man of God, and taking over a National Guard base would be an act of terrorism.
Behind Omber, his followers pass carrying boxes with “ARMY NATIONAL GUARD” printed on them. One wears an army hat. Dinke looks annoyed.
DINKE
I am being very serious Mr. Grayson. There are dangerous chemical and biological weapons stored on that base that could hurt many innocent people.
In the background, a zealot walks by carrying a tank shell.
OMBER
Oh, that is terrible. If these misguided souls have done this in Hucklebee’s name, I will go to the base myself to negotiate a surrender.
DINKE
Good. I also ask that you end this insane crusade against Stan Luther!
OMBER
The Antichrist.
DINKE
Stan Luther!
OMBER
Sir, would sacrificing one man for the good of the world really be that big of a deal? It would look so good in the history books to be the President who stopped the Apocalypse.
DINKE
There will be no Apocalypse! And human sacrifice is not acceptable, even for reelection.
The PRESS SECRETARY whispers to Dinke.
PRESS SECRETARY
Sir, maybe it would be good--
DINKE
--no! We are a society built on logic and reason!
OMBER
Mr. President, since when have logic and reason gotten us anywhere? Really?
Dinke exits the room, slowly followed by his advisors.
INT. PRESS ROOM - DAY
The President speaks to the news from a podium.
DINKE
I ask all American citizens currently engaged in this witch hunt to cease and desist! It is inappropriate behavior for a modern nation...
INT. MOTOR HOME (DRIVING) - DAY
Stan and his friends listen to Dinke’s speech on the radio.
DINKE (O.S.)
...there is no reliable evidence to prove that Stan Luther is a danger to society...
STAN
Thank God people voted for him!
Serena looks at Stan curiously.
STAN
Didn’t make it to the poles. Hung over.
INT. NATIONAL GUARD BASE - OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Omber and Hucklebee’s entourage watch the speech on TV.
DINKE
...so this madness must end.
OMBER
It’s official. The President is in league with the Antichrist, and must be considered an enemy of God!
FOLLOWER 1
Reverend Grayson...you wish us to expand the Crusade to include the leader of our country?
OMBER
He is corrupted! The man speaks in riddles, playing with the minds of the weak. He mocked Hucklebee to the man’s face! He’s evil!
Omber leaves the office, followed by all the followers but one. The man quickly takes out a phone and texts a message.
INT. DARWIN’S DISCIPLES HEADQUARTERS - CONTINUOUS
Disciples pack up boxes and run around furiously. Zallynack drinks espresso and reads a text on his phone in a breakfast nook. Simon & Garfunkel’s “Bridge Over Troubled Water” plays on an old record player.
ZALLYNACK
Lilly! Prepare my private plane. I’m going to DC.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
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